I was driving home from work yesterday evening, a long commute, and I am in the habit of using this time for reflection. The day’s events, the week’s event’s, my life’s events, they all kind of take turns coming up into the front of my mind so I can look at them. Yesterday evening I was in some turmoil, trying to sort through some patterns that keep taking place in my life. And what it all boils down to is not being respected, and bottom line, not having self-respect. I realized that as much as I have learned about abuse and its effects in the life of a survivor, about how our minds get so twisted up into believing that we deserve to be treated poorly, I still have not somehow ‘gotten this’ down in my soul. Because what I know in my head has not helped me to change the patterns in my life. Not yet.
My soul, where are you? Do you hear me? I speak. I call you–are you there? I have returned. I am here again. I have shaken the dust of all the lands from my feet, and I have come to you again. ~ Carl Jung