Saturday, April 16, 2011
You Get What You Need
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” Rolling Stones
This song has been playing in my head for a few days now. I’m gonna say it is one the great rock n roll truisms. And what I mean by that is there is a great deal of wisdom in this. But as I was thinking it through, I came to the conclusion that the completed truth of it goes more like this: You can’t always get what you think you want, but if you try you will find you get what you need, which in the end is what you really do want. Because bottom line is, sometimes what we think we want is not what we need. And what we really need, deep down, is what we really want to begin with, we just can’t figure out what it is, or we go looking for it in all the wrong ways or places or people or ideals or things.
What I think is basic to every human soul, what we each really need, is love and truth. And love that is true, not love that is false. And a love that is true is one that sees your value and accepts you without impossible expectations or limitations, but doesn’t stop there. A true love always wants the very best for you and will strive to help you get there. And it may not always be pleasant, this love that wants the best. But in the end it is exactly what we are looking for regardless. A love that sees your value and all that you can be as a whole, thriving person. And this true love starts with ourselves. Loving and accepting ourselves and wanting what is best for ourselves.
As is true with many people, I spent my whole life in the horrible cycle of looking 'out there' for what I thought I wanted. I looked for it in all the wrong people and places and ideals and things, and always ended up terribly wounded, and terribly empty, and then finally in complete despair. And one day, I will never forget that day, I was driving on a country road and this deep anguish came over me, and I was looking for a reason, any reason, to not drive my car at high speed into the nearest tree. The tears were pouring out of me and the sobs were coming from the deepest place, and I couldn’t find a reason to not drive into a tree. And in that moment I had a choice. And even though I couldn’t come up with a reason, I chose to try one more time. And I cried out, “God, I need help. If you are real I need help because I can’t fix what’s wrong anymore and I have tried all the Christian religions and doctrines and advice and all that I know from every other place and it’s not working. None of it is working. But I need you to help me or I am not going to make it.”
It was the choice that opened up the door for me to get what I needed. And what I needed was healing. And I didn’t even know it at the time. I didn’t know what was wrong, I didn’t know anything. But I tried one more time and it opened up the door. The door of some kind of plan, one in which I was totally unaware of, but one where each step was laid out for me one by one. And I just took each step as it appeared before me, some of it didn’t seem to make any sense whatsoever. And some of it still doesn't, not while I'm in the step. But I can be assured that because I made that choice and have embraced the process with intention, it is going to work out in my favor. It actually amazes me, time and time again.
It has been just about 7 years since the day I made that choice, and I am so thankful that I tried one more time. And I can say to anyone who will listen, my path has been a miracle. It has been a miracle, I could not have invented this path, from that moment in my car until this very minute, not in my wildest dreams. And through this path I am being healed with each passing day. And I would never in a million years have expected to have to go through this kind of a process, this kind of a journey, but it has been the most awesome journey toward self-love and self-acceptance, which will in turn open the door to more love and more acceptance, in truth.
Which in the end is going to be what I needed and ultimately what I wanted all along.
If you try sometimes, you just might find...you get what you need.