I was just thinking about how much strength it takes to get through the process of healing from child abuse and child sexual abuse. How much COURAGE it takes. Things I never saw in myself before now. I always saw myself as weak and cowardly. Why did I view myself in this way all these years? I mean, looking back and seeing the things I actually SURVIVED, it is clear to me now that I was NOT weak and cowardly or I wouldn’t have made it to here, regardless of my current healing journey. It was FEAR that warped my self-image, being hounded by fear all my life that made me FEEL weak and cowardly. But the fact of the matter is, I had very real reasons to have been carrying all that fear around with me all these years, it was all I knew as a child and I had no way of ridding myself of it until now. And the fact that I actually kept going IN SPITE of all that fear is a true testament to the strength and courage that was with me the whole time.
One of the lies we absorb into our minds and souls as children of abuse is that we are powerless to change our circumstances. Now, as a child we WERE POWERLESS, we were at the mercy of those who were abusing us, but that feeling of being a powerless child that we carried into our adult lives is the lie. Because as adults we do have the strength, the courage and the power inside us to change our view of our reality, to take that changed view and actually change our circumstances, we often just don’t realize it. It is there, it is in us the whole time, we just don’t have the understanding of that truth, we are still stuck in our childhood fear and powerless mindset.
Tapping into this new truth is not easy. It requires that we look at ourselves, look at our history and find out where the lies were embedded. This is the really painful part of the healing process. Most of us have buried all of that hard stuff, we had to bury it just to keep living. Going back and facing the abuse in all its ugliness and pain is part of that process of finding out where this fear and this lie took root in us. We have to find it, we have to dig it out, we have to destroy it. The lie needs to be destroyed and replaced with the truth that we are not destined to be at the mercy of abusers. IT IS NOT OUR DESTINY TO BE ABUSED. This is so key. This is the lie that needs to be replaced with the truth that we are actually destined to LIVE OUR LIVES IN FREEDOM. But it is up to us to grab that truth, to claim it, to make it our own. And the road to this takes strength and courage, and we ALL have this inside us. The healing journey is not what gives us these things, it is what uncovers them.
"Live our lives in freedom" What a powerful statement and one that is so hard to accept when you've never known that it could actually be true.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this amazing post Carla!
Once again, thank you Mystic Mom for your comment and your encouragement! So much appreciated. I am still learning every single day what that statement means, "Live our lives in Freedom" I mean what it is REALLY going to mean to me from here on out. Because you are so right, if we have never known it, it's hard to see it and reach for it. But I am reaching for it!
ReplyDeleteCarla :)
What a beautiful blog. Thank you for this post and ringing the truth out so loud and clear. I was struggling in some of the old lies today and your words have encouraged me, tweaked my perspective and cheered me on in my "truth working". Thank you Carla! I'm excited to read more. :)
ReplyDelete~Carla
Carla, thank you so much for your comment! I am finding that the 'truth working' is a daily thing,often two steps forward, one step back. That step back is so easy to do, so frustrating, and yet I think necessary at times in order to make us always aware of our need to reinforce what we are learning. That would be my optimistic take on it! lol
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement!
Carla
Carla! Its great to see you sharing the light that you've found!
ReplyDeleteYou said: "Now, as a child we WERE POWERLESS, we were at the mercy of those who were abusing us, but that feeling of being a powerless child that we carried into our adult lives is the lie."
Yes! This awareness has been the core of my own healing journey and the place where I found that truth that set me free! I feel so fortunate to be a part of the online community that is spreading the word that this is the key to freedom!
Susan, thank you for your affirmation! It is a key understanding for all of us who grew up in abuse, we are no longer at their mercy, we can take back our power. I am learning these things, struggling still, but it will eventually become the only way in which I choose life. :)
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